It was a
beautiful day under the sea. Bright, colorful, fishes darted around aimlessly
in herds, relishing in the glorious day as sunlight stream through the crystal
clear waters of the sea. A lone little clown fish swarm happily around and
darted away from his group. He swam merrily, without a care in the world as a
dark shadow suddenly fell upon him. One fish saw this and cried out
“Nemo NO!”
Too late. The baby fish and his
relatives were quickly caught in a panic as they were hoisted up and out of
their wet, blue, world. The sailors sang in broken high pitched voices as they
fished for their morning plunder, the scurvy finally catching up to them all
and making them sound like weak little girls. The small, dingy, little vessel
could hardly be called a ship. In fact it should have capsized by now, but by
some hilarious mishap of nature, the laws of physics were pointedly ignored
here as the door to the captain’s quarters was thrown open. Well it was
technically the broom closet but we will ignore that for now too. The sound of
heavy leather boots stomping across the deck of the ship allowed the captain’s
presence to be made know to the crew.
“Well you scurvy dogs, what have
you got for me today?!”
The various crew members jumped
at the question before all exploding in various languages and pointing a random
thing in fear for their very lives. The captain slapped a hand against her
forehead and sighed impatiently. Just then a royal attendant appeared magically
from behind her.
“Tell me again Jeeves why we
hired immigrants?”
“Cheap labor my lady and your
fetish for cheapness.”
“Hmm. Oh…yes that. Oh-hey what’s
that!” The captain yelled, attempting to forget her cheapness as she pointed to
the nearest net as she saw something large moving around underneath it.
“Hey you- skipper man I thought I
told all of you that playing in the nets is not an appropriate pass time!” The
captain yelled as she threw away the net, only to find a strange man staring
back at her. With pale fair skin, black luscious hair, and bright sea blue
eyes, this man was the kind of handsome that most women would pay any price of
admission just to glance at. He was naked too, which was an added bonus, though
he just as well might have wearing clothes, for the whole lower portion of his
body was a shimmering green fish tail. The woman stared, and stared…she sneezed
once before continuing to stare. The man looked timid and fearful before
looking up at the bushy red head before him. Captain Ariel looked down at this
strange man as he suddenly found the urge to speak up.
“Why hello? I am a mer-folk,
apparently you and your crew here have caught me in your finishing net.”
He spoke as he gestured to his tangled up tail. The crew looked on,
startled that it could speak but more in shock over the fact that they had
actually hauled up something of value for once, excluding the pesky clown fish.
“I am a great prince that lives
below these waters with my family, the famous King Pitchfork and my six other
brothers.” The redhead yawned as she ignored whatever the fish man was saying
in favor of picking her teeth.
“If you release me I promise you
on my duty as a merman to find you again and reward you greatly, fair non-fish
lady.”
Prince Eric bowed as best he
could while still being tangled up in the fishing net. Suddenly the captain
stepped forward and cut the mer-babe loose from his bonds. She leaned down over
the dazzling man with a curious and warm sparkle in her seaweed green eyes as
she studied him. Eric smiled widely, thinking that she had taken his offer.
Suddenly her smile shifted into a wide feral grin and the previous spark in her
eye that Eric had mistaken for compassion made itself truly known.
Ariel smirked manically as she
placed her face inches from his.
“Sorry fish fry, I don’t
negotiate with food.”
Eric’s eyes widen in horror as
Ariel placed her knife in view again.
“W-Wait! No-no-no STOP!
ST-AAAHHHEEEE!”
(We present you with this broadcast
interruption slid: Please stay tuned)
Epilogue:
The feast at the royal place that
night was amazing. All of the lords and ladies of the court dined and drank
until they couldn't stand. Captain Ariel, now princess Ariel because she wasn't
wearing pants anymore, watched as he parents welcomed her home with open arms
from her long lasting punishment out on the high seas, and watched as her
dinner guests burped in satisfaction. Then the main course came,
FRIED FISH FILLET!
The unknown fish was
incredibly tasty and every single morsel was devoured in seconds until the plates
were licked clean by the normally fickle nobles. Needless to say everyone went
home full and happy and everyone in the Kingdom lived happily ever after,
well…the ones on land anyway.
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